Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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