We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
