THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
