Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
