Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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