so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
