It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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