The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Two words: blizzard sex
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize