Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
