a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
