Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
