have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
