so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
