So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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