What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
