I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize