I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm getting married
To pizza
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
