i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
