like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
