so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
