So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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