well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
