how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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