I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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