Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
