I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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