I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
