I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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