Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
