you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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