Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
