I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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