I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
