do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
