I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
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Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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