I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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