I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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