I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
