Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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