ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
