Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
