We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
