meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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