Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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