i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
