people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A+ Viking dick
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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