I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
