do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
