I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
