I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
