I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
