You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
