I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she woke up with a sticky ear
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
