I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
