the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
