he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
