He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
did i just pee glitter
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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