Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
