If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
