You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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