Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
