Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
