She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
