someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
