I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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