theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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