After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
