The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
