Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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