Whod you bang
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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