i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
