is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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